Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
