i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Randomize
