I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
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