so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
