Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Randomize
