i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Randomize
