As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
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i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
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His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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