yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
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