If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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