Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I just want to make out with him forever
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
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