i think i have two assholes
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
