She is in my trunk
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Just invented taco cereal.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
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