This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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