So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Randomize
