I wish I could punch you in the face.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
