Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
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