Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
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My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
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Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
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