When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
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