after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
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