I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
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