trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
