The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
