If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
