time to smoke my breakfast
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
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