you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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