i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
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