i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Randomize
