Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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