I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Randomize
