My underwear smells like fireworks.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
