My hand turned me down
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
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