dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
