Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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