On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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