id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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