Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
do herpes really smell.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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