Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
