it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
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