no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Someone came in the potted fern
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Randomize
