I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
