So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
This is my gift to your gina
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
