just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
