Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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