Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
