you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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