Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
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I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
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My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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