I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Randomize
