would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
