oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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