I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
