Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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