wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Randomize
