It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"