Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
25 People Confess What They Really Think When They See An Obese Person
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
21 Disappointing Confessions From Teenage Fathers
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.