She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Randomize
