I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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