You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
