Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
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