Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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