If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Randomize
