I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
