NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
