i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
