not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
