I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
